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Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one individual intended to exert power and control over another individual in the context of an intimate or family relationship.

As you can see, domestic violence is much more than just physical abuse. On this page, you will find a more detailed definition of domestic violence, along with other resources for recognizing the signs and patterns of abuse. You can take a quiz to see if someone you know might be an abuser or a victim of abuse. You can also read facts about domestic violence and find out more about the programs dedicated to helping victims of domestic violence, as well as their families and friends. In addition, you will find here a list of common barriers to seeking help, reasons why many victims of abuse find it difficult to come forward and get help to end the cycle of violence.


Domestic abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological and/or economic. The first step in helping a friend or family member who is in trouble is recognizing what domestic violence looks like.

Can You Recognize The Signs?
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Facts about Domestic Violence

  • 1 in 4 women and 1 in 13 men has been physically assaulted and/or raped by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or date. Women sustain injury more frequently in these assaults. (National Violence Against Women Survey, 1998)
     
  • Every 5 days in 2001, a Virginian was killed by her or his intimate partner. (Office of the Chief Medical Examiner, 2003). Women are at highest risk when they try to leave an abusive relationship.
     
  • More than 40,000 domestic and sexual violence victims called hotlines in Virginia in 2002. Here are some statistics about victims who received services from Domestic Violence Programs in 2002:196% of adult victims were women, mostly between the ages of 18 and 44. They came from all economic and racial backgrounds.13 out of 4 sought help from family or friends before contacting a domestic violence program. Less than half called the police for help.
     
  • More than half of the adults reported that physical resistance to violence was not helpful. Fighting back often increased or prolonged the violence.158% of adults who were abused by their partners had been threatened with homicide or suicide.
     
  • More than a third were threatened with a firearm or had one used against them.
     
  • The number one concern of adult victims was the impact of violence on their children. Other top concerns included housing, safety, and child custody.
     
  • More than half of the children who received services had witnessed an act of violence, usually in the home.
     
  • More than 1 out of 3 children were threatened with physical harm by the perpetrator. 1 out of 4 were physically injured.

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Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Programs provide a wide array of services to victims of domestic violence. They also work on many levels towards the goal of eliminating domestic violence. Services are available 24 hours a day, and there is no charge to victims. Virginians Against Domestic Violence coordinates a certification process for these programs, and in 2002 there were 45 certified Domestic Violence Programs in Virginia. Call 1.800.838.8238 to find out about the program near you. Domestic Violence Programs:

• Provide free, confidential, 24-hour hotlines and support for domestic violence victims and their children

• Offer crisis intervention and safety planning

• Provide a safe place where victims can stay with their children and consider their options

• Offer support groups, legal advocacy, individual counseling, accompaniment to the hospital, and other services in addition to shelter

• Help victims make plans to be as safe as possible whether they continue or leave their relationships

• Provide services to children who have witnessed or experienced abuse

• Network with community resources and can make referrals for services such as legal aid, social services, housing, etc

• Will make referrals to Batterer Intervention Programs for individuals who want help to stop being abusive

• Educate the community about services. Seek to raise public awareness of the problem and promote social change to end domestic violence

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Virginians Against Domestic Violence uses the following definition of domestic violence:

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one individual intended to exert power and control over another individual in the context of an intimate or family relationship.

  • pattern:
    Domestic violence involves more than one or even several isolated incidents of violence. It involves an interrelated pattern that includes a wide variety of abusive behaviors and usually increases in frequency and intensity over time.

 

  • abusive behaviors:
    Abusive or coercive behaviors may include, but are not limited to, physical assaults, verbal assaults, threats, intimidation, use of weapons, destruction of property, violence toward other significant people or pets, sexual manipulation and control over economic resources.

 

  • intended to exert power and control:
    The pattern of behaviors is not a matter of coincidence or the result of a time-limited crisis. Rather, it is an ongoing pattern in the relationship whereby the abuser acts to control the other person.

 

  • intimate or family relationship:
    A relationship between two adults intended to provide emotional and physical intimacy.It is very important to recognize that domestic violence is not always physical. Verbal, emotional, and economic abuse can have long-lasting effects, even if a victim is never physically or sexually assaulted.

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Barriers That Confront Faith Communities

There are numerous reasons why abused women are reluctant to turn to their faith community for help.

 For example, an abused woman may:

  • Believe that she is alone and that there are no other women in her faith community who has been abused.
     

  • Feel responsible for causing the abuse and believe it is her job to make it better.
     

  • Not aware of clergy confidentiality, and that information shared with religious leaders is confidential and cannot be discussed without her permission.
     

  • Fear of her abuser seeking revenge.
     

  • Have seen/heard her abuser using religious teachings, scripture or the Bible to justify the abuse.
     

  • Never have been asked if she is in danger of being abused.
     

  • Feel that she will not be believed because her abuser is well respected and in a position of authority within the faith or social community.
     

  • Not allowed to see or speak with her religious leader without the abuser being present.
     

  • Believe that the religious leaders will not understand or will be unwilling to get involved.
     

  • Feel protective of her relationship and responsible for keeping the family together.
     

  • Feel ashamed and humiliated that this is happening to her.
     

  • Hope that the abuser will change and want to believe his promises that the violence won’t happen again.
     

  • Fear the religious leader would not know how to respond because s/he has never mentioned domestic violence before.

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